Slasher + 3D = WIN

It's all in the math.
Although Bloody Valentine lacked in story and depth, it was just plain fun to watch.

Be warned, though. It's only worth watching in 3D. If you're going to watch it any other way, don't bother. Here are your trailers: Apple and Youtube.

Oh, and before I get started, when I opened the IMDB site for this movie, a random quote came up that horror movie fans should appreciate: "Michael: Jason, is that you?" Hehe, I thought it was a funny coincidence.

Alright, so the movie wasn't that scary. Sure there were a few things jumping out, but even those didn't get much out of me. Slasher movies, though, aren't really expected to scare you. They might, but mostly they're watched to 1. See how people deal with a psycho killer, and 2. the gore. Gore is sort of its own kind of scariness for squeamish viewers anyhow. And this movie had plenty of it. It had brutality and dismemberment coming out the wazoo.

Except for the effects, Bloody Valentine was more a tribute to old horror movies than a modern horror itself. I mean, the acting was pretty corny, but you could tell that it was supposed to be. The whole story and ending melodrama brought back memories of the good ole 80s slashers. Now lets get to the 3D. This is what made the movie. Literally everything is in 3D. Some people might think 3D means stuff popping out at you, and in some movies that is the case, but My Bloody Valentine impressed me by having every little detail in the film being three-dimensional. I'm usually put off by 3D in any movie, unimpressed by things 'trying' to jump out of the screen, but this one took the cake. Everything from weapons, body parts, gaping wounds, lights, tunnels, and even full frontal nudity (nudge nudge), all of it in glorious 3D!

(Hey! Where' d those clothes come from?)

At times it even became ridiculous. I felt more like I was at a Disneyland haunted house ride than a scary film. Well, except for the profanity and violence. This is a movie you watch to "ooooh!" and "aaaah!" and "woah!" and even laugh at times. My Bloody Valentine 3D is all about the entertainment.

But let me emphasize a little more about that 3D fun. If two characters are talking in the street, it looks like they are standing in front of a car and it looks like that car is in front of a store. No, not "looks", it feels like it. And the lights they beam at you... well, they're bright!
Of course, no slasher movie would be complete without cliché moments.
-A killer is on the loose, its night, the store is closed, the door opens and closes, and what does a worker have to say? : "Hello?" Is anybody there?
-At the start, a girl walks into the mines looking for her friends, and gets all scared about it: "Guys where are youuuu?" Boo! Just kidding.

Among others. But it was nice to see some people fight back against the killer instead of just curling up and taking it.

The critics had opinions all over the place, pretty much saying what I said: corny, but damned if that 3D wasn't awesome. Some were put off by the "corniness" and called this a typical slasher but in 3D. Mostly those ones sounded like they just didn't like slashers in general.

Overall: Not something to scare you. It's a slasher with fantastic 3D effects and any near-fan of the genre should have a good time.

PS: Oh yeah, I had to pay 3$ extra for the 3D glasses. Then, there was an announcement before the film asking us to give them back after the movie was over. Hohoho! Right, I just paid for these. I'm gonna keep them. In fact, I've been wearing them while I wrote all this, so there!