Jason, Have You No Heart?

Because you're newest movie doesn't! The rehash of Friday the 13th was a senseless kill-fest that lacked story and character. The only substance it brought to the viewers was a different Jason Voorhees than we used to know.

Uh-oh! A negative review?

Well, not ALL negative, but yeah, sort of.

I had really high hopes for this one. I guess this is all I should have expected from it. The majority of the later Friday the 13th movies were all about the killing, less about story. The fans were fine with it, really. Youpee! Jason is killin' some dudes! That's what they were looking for. But me, I enjoy a horror more when it has a decent plot to back it up. I'll begin with the bad, then move on to the good later.

Trailers ho! (Youtube, Apple)

First of all, Vanessa of Cinema Coquette mentioned that I don't really hate on the acting in the movies I've reviewed so far. Well, she'll be delighted to know that that's just what I'm going to do in this case. Simply put, the acting was bad, or at least had no feel to it. Not horrible, per se; horrible does come along, but I reserve that word for the worst of the worst. Still, you could pick up a teen off the street or off the set of any soap opera (oho! a low-blow to the soap operas!) and have a cast mostly on-par with what we seen in this movie. "Hyuk, hyuk, I'm a teen and like sex and drugs, hyuk!" I couldn't find any inspiration to root for a character's survival. I'll pretend I'm going to find some deep meaning to this film and say that the lack of any depth meant that nobody was really there, and it was all a dream, the end.

(Hahaha! I have no need to act >:D )

The next problem was the plot. Basically, they jammed two movies into the first 30 minutes, and the rest was a third movie. They were all slightly related, but they didn't need each other. The first two were just another half-hour of sex and gore for the audience and back-story that us viewers could deduce perfectly well on our own. So what's this 'story' I keep talking about? I don't need to put it in a nutshell for you, it's already in there. Some teens go to a lake to party, one guy is looking for his missing sister, and Jason decides to kill them all for being there (that's HIS territory, punks!). He also randomly goes and kills some dude who has been living in the area for quite a while. I guess the characters in the movie are like items on clearance at your local superstore: ALL THINGS MUST GO! He got introduced as a character, so I suppose the movie makers decided they might as well kill him too. Why not, right, we're on a roll.

They had a steady formula for the movie: introduce teens, kill teens; introduce more teens, kill 'em some more. Nothing in between. You get just as much story as a McDonald's ad. And to put it simply, there wasn't much in the form of scares either. Sure he jumped out at you a few times, and maybe you jumped too, but otherwise no. Anything worth drawing out some fear was used in the commercial anyhow.

(I'm totally not right behind you.)

My goodness, I sound like a professional critic! For once we're on the same wavelength, and I think that's the scariest part about this movie! Mr. Allan Hunter puts it very nicely on Rotten Tomatoes.

"One for horror fans that everyone else can happily avoid."

"Golly, do you have anything nice to say to this poor defenseless film?" Oh, yes, that's next. Because, you see, if senseless violence in the form of a large amount of slaughtered teens is what you were looking for, then this is the movie for you! In fact, you get two whole bunches of them looking for love and marijuana, just asking to be slasher victims. And for those of you who say "that is horrible!" keep in mind that what I just said is the main reason people go to see this movie: to watch whatever creative ways the makers have put together for people to die. If looked at only from that point of view, this was a great movie. Not much else going on.

But the one thing that I personally found to be a treat in this movie is the new and improved Jason. If you've seen the old movies, you remember the slow, clumsy, indestructible brute that was Jason. Now, not only is he stab-proof, but he's cunning (traps, plans, etc), he's fast (what's scarier, a guy with a machete walking at you, or a guy with a machete RUNNING at you?), and he's agile (more stealthy then ever, with smooth deadly movements). They took a threatening dude and made him into an even more unstoppable monster. In my opinion, seeing that was the main reason to watch this movie.

(I've been exercising! Can you tell?)

Overall: Critically, it's not a good movie. I might rent it when it's in the cheap-movie isle at Blockbuster, and that'll be the end of it. But, if you're in the mood for a movie with a decent kill-count and fair variety of ways to pull off said kills, then go ahead, have a ball. Heck, you might love it. I enjoyed it fine. Still doesn't make it good.

Titans of Slash

The 'slasher' genre has many different psycho killers that have left an impression on us. Psycho, for example, practically started the whole shebang. But although quite a few people have heard of Psycho, not that many know anything about it other than it's a horror film. I want to quickly touch on those titans that everyone has heard of and almost everyone has some idea of what they are.

Particularly because of recent and upcoming remakes, we should get to know these unstoppable freaky crazies. They rose to power during the late 70s and early 80s, and they are Michael Myers (of the Halloween series), Jason Voorhees (of Friday the 13th), and Freddy Krueger (of A Nightmare on Elm Street).

Let's start our horra history lesson!

Now, the guy who really got Slasher movies going was Michael Myers (not to be mistaken with Mike Myers; don't worry, it happens). Big scary dude, wears an gray expressionless mask, matching overalls, and can't seem to be killed by anything. He goes around killing people, particularly those around any of his surviving relatives (P.S. He's trying to kill his entire family). The series had 8 movies with a plot becoming more and more complex as it went along (though Halloween III was a bit of a sidewinder and had nothing to do with the rest). The first was extremely popular, and the second was not far behind. 'Three' was okay, but everyone wanted Michael Myers, not some other crap. Fans still liked 4, 5 and 6, but favour (and flavour) was on the decline. By Halloween H20 (number 7) , people were getting tired of it all. They watched it, but they weren't satisfied by it.

Up until this point, my opinion was pretty parallel to the opinion of the 'they' I keep talking about. Everyone else; the fan base. But then came Halloween Resurrection (craaazy eights!). This was another that many fans thought of as 'not satisfying'. I thought of it as pure garbage. The series plot ends at the beginning of the movie, then the rest is a bunch of sad acting from a bunch teens just waiting to be killed. Most of the time I was wondering "where did these clowns come from?" and couldn't care for their fates like I could for the characters in every single other movie in the set. Basically it was a movie saying "oh lookee! we can have Psyko Miko kill more teens," but it had no good reason to exist.

Later, the series was graced with Rob Zombie's remake of the original, which I personally thought did credit to the whole. Well developed characters along with a more human look at Michael Myers and his insanity was a very interesting change.

As much as people know the name and theme music of Michael Myers, they easily recognize the mask of Jason Voorhees (which actually didn't show up until the third movie). Again, this killer seems indestructible and kills people mostly because they stray into his 'territory'; he has less direction than Myers. He (well, the series) is also distinguished by the creepy "ki... ki... ki... ma... ma... ma..." sound that often signals his presence. Inspired by the Halloween series, Friday the 13th was supposed to be faster-paced and more violent. This series, however, managed to pull off 11 movies and one remake. In this case, the first three were the most popular, tailed by a decent fourth (which supposedly ended the series). The next five movies were not as good, though followed by the loyal fans. They were basically a constant repeat of the past with Jason being resurrected over and over, somehow, to kill again. Once more, things supposedly came to an end with Jason dying and this time going to Hell.

No such luck.

Jason X, the tenth installment, was a joke. Jason goes to the future! He gets frozen, picked up by a spaceship, rebuilt and future-a-fied by some nanobots or something, and gets to killing the passengers (I said the acting in Halloween Resurrection was bad; this was worse). I mean, they try to distract him with a hologram of two naked chicks. It was utterly ridiculous and might have done better if it was actually trying to be a comedy, but it wasn't. It was just a messy attempt to bring a new twist to the series.

(Rawr! It's Jason Trek! The Jasonator!... or something...)

Freddy vs. Jason, the eleventh movie in this series, joined Jason's story with that of Freddy Krueger (making it also the eighth movie in the Freddy series). This was another that fans would generally enjoy but still wish it could have been better. It apparently takes place some time before Jason X since he's not all futury and stuff. And last but not least, a few weeks ago the Friday the 13th remake was released... and I'm not saying anything about it! Haha, no I'll be doing a full (albeit late) review on that some time tomorrow night.

And we arrive at Freddy, who sliced up teens in a whole new way: in their dreams. Also known as "that guy with the claws on his hand" by those who are unfamiliar with A Nightmare on Elm Street, Freddy Krueger is known for wearing a snazzy hat, striped shirt, and being completely covered in horrible burns. He's particularly nasty because he kills people in their dreams, causing them to die in real life. His series of nightmarish drug-trips had eight movies (including Freddy vs Jason) and some spin-offs. As usual, the first was the most popular, but the rest actually well recieved (by fans; 5 and 6 didn't go over too well with the critics). I know it looks like I'm hurrying through this one, but I haven't seen much of it yet. I need to get on that soon! Oh, and we can expect a remake for this series as well (all the cool kids are doing it), sometime around 2010. That's how they've got it scheduled anyhow.

A quick mention for one of the newer guys around the block who made a big impression on the Slasher world. The Scream trilogy, featuring a murderer with a ghost mask killing teens, has been extremely popular. It's known for showing signs of being a 'typical slasher', then turning them on their heads while still being a respectible bunch of horror films. After a long wait, they're planning to make a part 4 which is also scheduled for 2010.

I hope that helps put some of the big boys in context. We need everyone to be aware of them because they're important influences on horror, particularly slasher! Halloween gave the genre the boost into popularity, Friday the 13th kept it up, Nightmare on Elm Street made it more supernatural, and after a slow spell Scream started a new wave. Then we got to the gore-slasher movies (popularized by Saw) and now we're on to a crudload of remakes (which really got going with the Texas Chansaw Massacre remake). I won't go into details about this stuff, not today, because they're off subject! Besides, this is getting longer than I'd hoped.

See you next time with Friday the 13th!

Time For A "Horror Movie Awareness Day!"

We've got a couple horror films coming up, and I think its time to get all excited about them (if you haven't yet). Or maybe unexcited. Prepared! But unless some new announcements are made, there isn't much on the horizon past February. Lets hope we get more! If push comes to shove some weeks, I'll find and watch new-ish foreign horror to tell you about.

So, let's get right into it. Next week's release is The Uninvited. Yep, another Un- movie. From the commercial (Youtube, Apple), it seems... nothing special. The ghost-warning has been done before, and in possibly more interesting ways. I can't tell you which movies without ruining the twist though. Anyhow, the "person-everyone-trusts-but-you" thriller has been done nicely as well (like with Disturbia). Sure combining them is not so worn, but even so I don't see anything original coming from this one. Honestly it doesn't even seem that creepy/scary. But who knows, I could be way off. In some cases, I could never understand why the ghosts feel they have to scare the person they're trying to help, instead of just talking to them. Rules of some sort? Why not just scare off the evil person or haunt them into confessing? *shrug* Comes out the January 30th.

Next up on my list is probably the most anticipated horror movie in the near future: Friday the 13th. That's right, the story is being revived. The legend of Jason Voorhees. Check it out (Youtube, Apple 2a). Finally, the serial killer in the hockey mask has some mobility instead of being slow and stiff. It had always bothered me in the old movies when Jason would walk after sprinting teens and still somehow catch up. This looks like an interesting slasher. A big guy with a machete (and other sharp objects) and a scary mask popping out and attacking teens. What else do we need to make us insecure on a camping trip? It is possible that they could somehow mess it up, but there is a lot of expectation riding on this movie and the makers know it. Give us your best shot guys! Comes out in Febuary on Friday the 13th.

Now for something that's been kept more in the shadows. Another revival of a classic. The Wolf Man. There are no official trailers yet, but somebody recorded a preview at Comic-Con and leaked it on the internet. The quality ain't great, but enjoy! It looks very... classical. Old-fashioned, and that's not a bad thing. We're looking at a strong cast too. Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, and Hugo Weaving. I'm genuinely interested. Could be a wild ride. And its also coming out February 13th. Wait, wait. I just noticed that production got pushed back. Rotten Tomatoes had it set for February 13th, but now its aiming for November 6th. Awwww, man! People are saying it's because they want more time to market it, and on a My Bloody Valentine 3D wiki that has been taken down, the poster speculated that it may also have moved to avoid competing with Friday the 13th. Isn't that lovely portrait of Wolf Man to the left there cool? It's got my attention!

There are a few recent foreign movies that look interesting. First off is Eden Log, a Sci-Fi horror from France. It looks cool enough, but I can't really tell where its going. Plus the 'creature' looks less impressive than I was expecting. It came out in December. Then there's Dead Snow, a Norwegian movie about Nazi zombies. Yes, you heard me. And it looks as entertaining as it sounds. That can be good or bad depending on how it sounds to you, hehe. I can't believe they quoted Indiana Jones! The Movie Blog gave a review about it if you're interested. It came out earlier this month.

So for the near future, it looks like I'm going to pray that Friday the 13th turns out to be some kind of masterpiece.

Oops, and I fixed those last 5 pictures if you noticed they were down. :)